The Words You Choose Will Define Your Leadership: A Conversation With Margaret Aitken

Here's what most leaders don't realize until it costs them something: silence doesn't buy you time. It just gives your people's imaginations permission to run wild. When a CEO goes quiet during a crisis, the team doesn't sit patiently waiting for answers. They start telling stories. And the story they tell themselves is almost always worse than the truth.

Margaret Aitken learned this during her decade as press secretary to then-Senator Joe Biden. She's since become the person companies call when everything's falling apart, and they need to find the right words. And she's discovered something that most leadership programs never teach: the way you communicate isn't just a skill you possess. It is your leadership.

One story proves this better than any theory.

When Nobody Expected the CEO to Survive

There was a company in complete disarray. Years of instability. A string of failed leaders. Then a new CEO arrived with zero industry experience, walking into what looked like organized chaos. By every reasonable measure, he should have failed.

Instead, he did something radical: he told the truth about what he didn't know.

"I don't know everything yet," he said. "I want to rebuild this company deliberately and slowly. And my promise to you is transparency. You'll be involved. When I find things that aren't working, I'll tell you. When I make mistakes, I'll tell you." He built one narrative and held it through every decision: we are rebuilding together. No story pivots when things get hard. No new messaging for each crisis. Just one consistent line of honesty.

By the end of that year, employee turnover was lower than it had been in three years. Engagement scores climbed. Margaret was stunned. She'd expected the opposite.

What hit her was this: in uncertainty, people don't need perfect information. They need proof that their leader is still present. That there's an adult in the room. That they're not alone trying to make sense of chaos.

The Fatal Mistake Almost Every Organization Makes

Here's where it falls apart for most companies: they hire a polished communications professional who writes something beautiful and completely inauthentic. Margaret saw this firsthand. She worked with a new CEO whose leadership style was tactical and grounded, while the previous leader had been warm and emotive. So Margaret made one mistake: she wrote his first speech in the old CEO's voice.

It landed flat. The words were good. The messaging was right. But it didn't sound like him.

Your team will feel the contradiction before they can name it. They'll sense something's off, and they'll trust you less. This is what Margaret learned from Biden, who had an almost supernatural ability to make people feel seen. Not through grand gestures, but through genuine presence and language that matched where people actually lived.

When young Margaret once submitted a press release with a line about a "cadre of concerned citizens"—fancy alliteration, right?—Biden crossed it out and wrote "group of people." Connection isn't about impressive language. It's about meeting someone where they are.

The Narrative That Holds Everything Together

Imagine a healthcare system with 30,000 employees. Frontline workers manage patient crises and safety. Office staff handles regulatory nightmares and budget cuts. Nobody knows what everyone else is actually dealing with. A good leader doesn't manage all those pieces separately. She describes the whole picture and shows how each person's work connects to something larger.

The difference between "we need to cut costs" and "regulatory pressure threatens our ability to care for patients who can't pay, so here's how your role in cost management keeps us serving them" is everything. One is a directive. One is a story that makes people want to be part of something.

Margaret doesn't just accept the obvious narrative clients offer. She asks the same question five different ways until the real answer surfaces—the thing that actually matters, not the thing that sounds good to the board. She asked an entrepreneur why she started a transportation company for kids. The first answer was textbook MBA: market gap, solution architecture. But after pushing deeper: "I'm a working mom tired of asking for favors I can't return. I want my kids to get where they need to go safely."

That's not a business pitch. That's a human story. And suddenly, the entire company made sense differently. Because we don't connect with market solutions. We connect with people.

What Actually Matters When You Can't Say Everything

Here's Margaret's core advice: when you're in transition and can't say everything, say something. Talk about what isn't changing. Talk about your values. Talk about who you are as a leader. Don't leave people to fill the blanks with their fears.

This isn't revolutionary—it's neuroscience. Humans are hardwired to create stories. In the absence of information, they manufacture certainty, and it will almost always be darker than reality. The alternative is transparency about what you can share, clarity about your commitments, and consistent communication even when you're not announcing anything new. That consistency itself becomes the message: I'm here. I'm paying attention. I'm in this with you.

One of Margaret's clients led with a single word that appeared in nearly every communication: "dear." "Our dear children. Dear colleagues." That single word created warmth, protection, and purpose that no mission statement ever could. With one word, you can unite people. With one word, you can divide them.

Here's What Actually Works

Get clear on your authentic narrative—not the story you think you should tell, but the story that's actually true for you. Find the human connection. Don't lead with the business case; lead with the person who'll be affected. Make it real. Say something rather than nothing. Your consistency matters more than your perfection. Your presence matters more than having all the answers.

Check if your message matches who you are. If it doesn't sound like you, people will feel it.

The words you choose will define your leadership. Choose them like they matter.

More From Margaret aitken

Margaret Aitken is a communications strategist and writer who works with executive teams and organizations navigating transformation. Her clients include healthcare systems, Fortune 500 companies, and mission-driven organizations.

For a decade, she served as press secretary to U.S. Senator Joe Biden, where she learned firsthand the power of authentic communication and genuine human connection.

These days, she also writes regularly on Substack, exploring themes of resilience, leadership, vulnerability, and the small moments that shape us. Her writing is raw, honest, and deeply human—exactly the kind of communication she advocates for in the boardroom.

If you're leading through change, you need to read her work.

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